Dear Jonathan Shokrian, I have just read that your company has partnered with the Dallas Cowboy’s running back Joseph Randle, who was arrested earlier this month for stealing underwear and cologne from a Dillard’s. You are generously planning on donating $15,000 worth of underwear and clothing to Dallas-area children, which is wonderful. I think that will help those children. You are also giving Joseph, an undisclosed amount of money for his endorsement of your company. Your company made a statement about the situation stating… “He (Randle) saw this partnership as an opportunity to turn a negative situation into a positive situation. And he (Randle) teamed up with MeUndies to give back to his community and help families in need. Every mistake can be a teaching opportunity if you are willing to take advantage of it.” Do you know what a mistake is? I mean, we all do, right? We all […]

Luke, My name is Tony Posnanski, and I am a manager at a Chili’s in Florida. Believe it or not, I know a little about you. I know that you sing a song called “Drunk On You” that is played at my job a lot. That is Angie’s favorite song. I know that they make an iPhone cover with your picture on it. Angie has it on her phone. I also know that your birthday is July 17th. Angie made a cake that day. You have millions of fans. I am sure you try to get to know some of them, but it can be hard. Everyone tells you that they are your biggest fans. I am sure some send you cards and letters. Some might have a tattoo of your name on their leg. Some might even run one of your fan clubs. They know everything about you. Today […]

There has been an onslaught of “Rules For Dating My Daughter” lately. It started with this shirt… Which then led to this shirt… And then retired Navy SEAL Marcus Luttrell wrote some rules (In my opinion, he can write whatever he wants.)… Post by Marcus Luttrell. And then another man wrote some “Unrules to dating his daughters”. My daughter is one. I have no desire to write any rules for dating my daughter at this time. I want to raise her to know to respect herself and try to make the best choices possible. I want her to know she might make mistakes, but she does not have to be always pick the wrong guys. I have plenty of time to worry about her later. I also have a five-year-old son, and I think that my wife and I are raising him right. He is like a lot of five-year-olds. […]

To Justin Timberlake, My name is Tony Posnanski, and I am a normal restaurant manager at a Chili’s Bar and Grill outside of Orlando, FL. I go into my normal restaurant every day with my normal polo and khakis on. I do the same thing each day. I ensure the food goes out right; I make sure the staff is doing the right thing, and I also get to say phrases like… “Who has table 46?” “How much longer on that order of eggrolls?” “Can someone run food?” “Seriously, this food is getting cold. Can someone run this food out?” “I NEED A RUNNER NOW!!!!” The Internet is full of stories about horrible bosses and horrible employees. You know bosses who are nasty and employees who try to get back at others. You rarely get to hear about the good ones. You rarely get to hear about people who do […]

Dear Shirataki Noodles, I heard about you from a friend of mine named Hungry Girl. Okay, maybe she is not my friend but I know she was promoting you for a while. She likes to promote those trendy foods. I think she was all about those “muffin top” things for a while. She talked about you on her page, and it intrigued me. She said you were all the rage! I have never heard of you and wanted to know more. You are a low-calorie pasta substitute. While most pastas are well over 100 calories a serving, you are less than 20 calories a serving. That is a huge calorie savings! I love pasta, so I wanted to give you a chance. We all deserve a chance. I wanted you to be the true “pasta” in my life. When I first laid eyes on you, I was concerned yet intrigued. You […]

Jared, I want you to know I am unfollowing you today. You have become annoying lately, and your last post was one of the worst. I used to love your page but now I cannot stand it or you. Sorry, but you have lost a fan. Beth   My dearest Beth, I saw that you were unfollowing me today. You wrote it on my timeline. You used to love me, and now you cannot stand me. I have become annoying. Losing fans is a huge concern for me. I have lost sleep wondering if I would lose people on my page. I have not eaten because of this as well. Well…whom am I kidding? Nothing stops me from eating. What can I do to keep you? Will you give me a chance to change? Will you give me a chance to change up my posts a little? I can be less […]