Whitney’s dance video is about a minute long. It has gone viral but if you have not seen it, I would highly recommend it.
It starts out by her warming up and then a guy stands next to her to dance by her. She is obviously larger than the guy next to her, but you learn very quickly that does not matter. The Jason Derulo song is just beginning and once the lyrics drop, they both start dancing.
Whitney has danced for most of her life. She also has struggled with her weight. She has realized that talent has nothing to do with weight. She wants to let everyone know that.
She dances and she knows that her moves will memorize those who watch her. How could they not, every move is in sync with the beat of the song.
Then around thirty seconds in, she is the center of the video. The guy dancing is basically in the corner. Although his moves are good, they are not as good as Whitney’s moves. She knows her dance moves are good and rightfully so. She stole the video.
I have seen this video over 100 times. I watch it before I work out every single day…
Because Whitney defines healthy to me.
It has been over six years since I was 420 pounds. In fact, I get messages from people who do not believe I was over 400 pounds. I remember every single day hating myself and feeling like I did not deserve to live.
My wife loved me as much then as she does now. I can remember her upset one day and she would not tell me. Years later I found out it was because a friend of hers made a comment about my weight. She never said that I was not attractive or sexy. She was concerned about my health. She would always tell me “I just want you to be healthy.”
It made so much sense then. My goal was not to be skinny or thin but she wanted me around for a long time. She wanted to live a life where we could have kids. She wanted me to live instead of feeling worthless.
Healthy is an abused word now. People use it instead of “fat” or “skinny”. They say, “I do not want to be skinny but healthy.” Sadly, I think many who say that now are basically saying, “I do not want to be skinny but skinny.”
But when I watch Whitney dance I see a confident woman. I see someone who does not care if others make comments towards her. I see a woman who knows her dancing will inspire others. I see a woman who knows that her moves will help those have the courage to dance, sing and use their talents without feeling bad about themselves. I see a woman who changed the way many think in less than two minutes.
I see a woman who is healthy to me. The way my wife looked at healthy
Because healthy is happy. I have been happy for a while now.
I have many regrets. I regret not having the confidence to write when I was over 400 pounds. I regret not standing up for myself when I was over 400 pounds. I regret feeling like I had to lose 200 pounds to be happy. I wish I could tell people that talent has nothing to do with weight. That hitting your goal weight does not magically make you “healthy”. I wish I could tell people…
I should have been happy all along.
Because if you are “skinny” and “miserable” then you are not “healthy”. I never realized that.
Making a goal weight does not guarantee happiness. It does not guarantee health. Losing weight does not make you an expert and size does not determine talent.
And to me, happy is healthy.
I know the title of this post is “Inspiring Girl Dancing” instead of “Fat Girl Dancing” which is how Whitney described the video.
After so many years of weight loss, gaining, failing, succeeding, hatred, love and everything else in between. After so many years of fear holding me back. After so many years of thinking my weight defined my self worth…
I do not feel like describing people as “fat” or “skinny”.