Did you ever notice that I have nine gazillion pictures of me from the gym, yet I have about four of them from when I was 400 pounds? And I had to search for those four?
There is a reason…
The same reason I did not sign up for Facebook a while ago.
The same reason I did not have a Myspace account in the mid 2000’s.
The same reason that I did not want to see people from the past and the same reason that I never played XBOX LIVE with the camera.
I did not like where I was. And I refused to take a picture.
Every picture I have when I was 400 pounds I have on my blog. I do not have any hidden or up my sleeve. I do not have any without a shirt or holding a dated magazine to document my journey. I never took those over 400 pounds. I took pictures I was forced to take.
I never lost weight to get attention. I got attention after losing weight.
Looking back now, I should not have been embarrassed of myself at my heaviest. I should have been proud of the person I was. I am the same person, I just weigh less.
The person I was at 420 pounds is the same person today under 200 pounds.
It is easy to look back and say that now, but at the time, it is hard to feel inspiring when you can not do simple tasks. When you feel so lost and live people already insult you, why put a picture up of yourself to hear more insults?
In fact, the first picture my wife took of me was after I lost 70 pounds. The picture above is after already working hard and working out. I only took the picture because someone told me it would inspire people if I kept going and make them believe they could as well. I never had any intention of writing about my weight loss or even talking about it.
I look at those pictures of myself at 400, 300, 260 pounds, and I see the same guy. The same beautiful, angry, selfish, selfless, rude, kind, and unpredictable person I always have been. The guy that wants people to like him one minute, and could care less the other. The guy who does not lose sleep over things because he has lost so much sleep in the past. It is me, just with a few more or less pounds.
I used to get scared of taking pictures of myself when I lost weight. That would be the person I would always compare myself to. I would never be that guy! I could never keep the weight off. Skinny is a picture. I never wanted to chase how I once looked.
Someone who I have a lot of respect for asked me if people look at me differently now.
I thought about it for a while. And honestly, I do not think so.
I truly believe that my weight loss, although impressive, is not why people read what I write. There are numerous weight loss success stories out there.
I think that my workouts, although strong, is not why people follow me on Facebook. I think I try to give some interesting value to a newsfeed.
I am saying this because you should never be embarrassed of your picture. No matter your weight, you should be proud to post it!
I have seen some avatars. Some were little cartoons, some were sunsets, some were pics of flowers, and some were famous people.
I wondered if they are like me. They did not want to show their picture.
If I ever do gain the weight back, I will say that I learned one thing. I am the same person. I learned that I will proudly show my picture at 420 pounds as now.
I could keep kicking myself for being ashamed of the person I was…..
But instead, I will show everyone the person I always was.