The other day, I was asked a question. A woman sent me a message and asked me if I looked at my wife differently when I lost weight. If I lost interest in any way. I responded back very quickly no. It was an honest answer. The person who asked the question sent back a very quick “Oh, well thanks.” After five years of losing weight and writing, I have met a lot of different people and heard a lot of different stories.I can read a lot into a response. I knew what she was asking me without asking me. So I asked her a question…….

It was October of 2007. I came home at 3:15am from working late. I usually came home around 1am. My boss took some time to show me a few financial reports about the restaurant. After being branded “Lazy” at work, any type of help to keep employment was appreciated. I came home around 3:15 and the dog was not barking. She was in my wife’s lap, with tears in her eyes. I did not understand why. When I explained to her that I was not cheating or doing something I was not supposed to, she just said “I do not want to be a widow so young.” She thought I had died or had a heart attack. I could I dispute it. I was coughing blood, I had numbness in my arms. There was no way I could convince her otherwise. She cared about my health, more than I did. Much more than I did.

She knew I was not cheating. She knew I was dying.

…..I asked her if her husband supported her. If he helped her during the journey. If he found her attractive. If he was a little apprehensive with her losing weight and gaining confidence. I did not need a reply. I knew the answer. Quickly though, I saw that he did not support her. She lost over 50 pounds on her own. He did not find her attractive. The one man she married was not there for her. So she lost weight, and found herself in a place where most get lost in…….

My wife always found me attractive. She always saw the beauty in my personality, in my jokes. She saw the inspiration when there was none in my eyes. She made this journey about health. Not about weight. Not about sizes. As the weeks went on, she supported me. When I made decisions and wrote about them, she supported me. She looks at me today, and it is the same look she had when I was 420 pounds. It is amazing. I get so many people who write me now, and I always wonder if they would have written to me if I was 350 pounds. If I was struggling. If I was lost. Would they be there for me like they want me for them? My wife was. That is beauty.

……The woman felt guilty for wanting more in life. For wanting someone to appreciate her. She felt guilty for loving the compliments of other men. I told her she did not need to feel guilty. It is a weird feeling. When you never get looks from men/women, and then all of the sudden you wear a nice outfit, and the people stop and stare…well, how should you feel? Not guilty. Everyone deserves it. Everyone deserves to feel beautiful. Everyone deserves to be the hot friend, not the “Oh, I guess” friend. Everyone deserves to be the “prom queen”. I am not sure if that was her. I just know that people should not feel guilty for wanting to feel pretty, for having someone compliment them…..

I remember when my wife told me years ago that I always sold myself short. I did not think highly of myself. She was right. Yet, I look at it like the charm. When people refer to my writing, they usually put me up there with very popular weight loss bloggers. I am always amazed. The day I am not amazed, I think I will lose what my writing truly is… which is from the heart. I have a popular Facebook page and people who read my blog. I ask for more. When I write, I write as if my wife is the only one who reads, like a few years back. That is why I promote myself, because I want more than my wife to know how much she has driven this journey. How much she has driven me. She was always there. How could I look at her any different?

…..After the conversation, I told the woman to stay sexy. It is a weird way to end a conversation, but I thought it was necessary. I think everyone deserves it. I think that people need that one hot skirt, or that cute outfit. I think no matter the weight, there should be someone in your life that sees your beauty. It is tough to be with someone who puts you down. It is hard to bring yourself up if you are constantly being knocked down. So I told her that maybe someone needs to see her beauty…..

I mean, don’t we all.

 

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