This was not the exact video I saw four years ago. Similar, but not exact. They are kind of all the same. Slow motion, sad, not your fault kind of thing.
When my doctor told me about weight loss surgery, he showed me a video that made me cry. What overweight person who feels hopeless would not cry? That is why they make them. Just like the one Weight Watchers video I saw when the woman said “Because I want a cute outfit, not just cute shoes.” That hits home to many!
This post is not about surgery. It is not about the Lapband or any type of diet. It is not about whether you want the surgery or not. It is not about my opinion on surgery.
This is about how I felt four years ago. When I felt like there was no other option. When I felt like this was my “last resort”. When I felt like I was worthless and someone needed to save me.
This post is about hope.
I was larger than anyone in the video above. Every one of my statements started with “If”. If I could do this. If I could do that. If time would stand still. If my life was different……..
For over twenty years I told myself “if”.
In twenty years I had some weight loss successes. I had many more failures.
When I walked into my doctor’s office four years ago, I knew I was not in good health. Scales tell you if you are overweight. I have not been on a scale for a few years before the doctor visit.
I also knew he would recommend weight loss surgery.
I was the perfect candidate. A guy who has struggled with weight his whole life. Who had so many heart and cholesterol issues? A non active man who has done every diet unsuccessfully. I would be the poster child!
I saw a video similar to the one above. I cried, of course. How could you not cry? Every one of those actors/actresses was a part of me.
Except they were not me. That woman is not me.
Driving home I got angry. Not at McDonalds or my wife. Not at Stacker 2 pills nor was I upset with Slim Fast.
I was upset with myself. Because I knew I had an eating problem. And instead of facing it, I blamed everyone around me. Just like in the video. Telling me it was not my fault.
It was my fault. I came home and told my wife the same thing I have told her for years. That I was going to lose the weight. She always believed I would. I said it so much; even I lost faith in myself.
Tomorrow was a myth.
And I did lose over 200 pounds. Sometimes I do not talk about the times I craved McDonald’s. Or the times that I would tell myself I wanted just a bite of something, yet resisted. I found strength in my actions. Every day was a challenge, but at the end of it, I became proud of myself. I had dreams where I would overeat.
I did it. I did it without surgery.
Four years has passed. I have met a lot of people who have been very successful with the Lapband, Gastric Bypass, etc. It is not an easy way out. I hate when people say that. It is a major surgery and not a quick decision for anyone. It is a very hard process and one that takes courage.
If you are reading me for the first time though or come here once in a while for inspiration, remember one thing.
People tell me they wish they were as strong as I am.
I do not think those people need to wish anymore. Everyone has strength. You just have to find it.