I have been in restaurants for over fifteen years. I started out as a server years ago and then became a chef. I was a chef for years until I became a managing partner. Being a managing partner was not very fun so I went back to being a manager which is my favorite part of restaurants. Where some people would say that my job consists of getting yelled at by guests for trivial things, I look at my job as a leader. A leader that also washes dishes.

So Friday night was supposed to be slower than normal. We are coming up on a holiday and last year we were quite slow. Yet, we were not slow. In fact we were very busy and I was not sure why. When I went out in the dining room I noticed that there were a lot of dressed up ladies. You can tell when someone does not usually dress up. They kind of stare at their shoes in different angles or they tug on their skirts a little. Still, I could not figure out why we are so busy.

So I made a comment to a couple of servers that I was shocked we were so busy. They gave me a look like I was stupid. So before I said anything I had to think……..

1. I should know why we are busy?

2. They are all women dressed up.

3. What was on Facebook today?

That is right. It was opening night of Magic Mike. And yes, I am proud I did not know this right away.

I do not think any woman knows or cares what this movie is about. I think that the movie is pictures of that Channing guy up on the screen for 93 minutes. Yet, I am certain it will not be as good as the other stripper movie The Full Monty.

I do not think a bunch of guys went to go see Showgirls, but hey, guys and girls are different. Guys want romance and girls just want a quickie. We all know that!

So I had a restaurant full of drunk women. Most of you might think this is a dream for a guy, but not really. When you have had 60 year old women try to put penis straws in your mouth from a bachelorette party or drunk women telling you to go in her bra to get money to pay for the meal, you realize you never know what can happen.

But the problem was we were busy so food was taking a little longer than usual. When you are trying to get to a movie, that is not a good thing.

Most people were understandable once the food started to get out. I was able to apologize and make people happy.

Yet there was one table of women who wanted to speak to me. Their food was taking a while and I knew exactly what they wanted to talk to me about.

My secret is to find out as much about the situation as possible. So before they have a chance to talk I start….

“Ladies, I am so sorry about the delay on your food. I am embarrassed and I promise the food will come out right away. I will even bring it out to you.”

“We have a movie to get to!”

“Oh, which one? (I had to make a little small talk and I also realized that Ted was out this weekend so I did not want to offend just in case).

“Magic Mike. Yep! Abs and Personality!”

All I had to say was “No problem, I will get your food out.” But I was curious.


“Yep. The big ass one in his pants!”

I could not believe I fell for that line.

Two weeks earlier we had a couple come in the restaurant. I walked by the table and asked how their dining experience was. The guy looked angry and said he was waiting on his dessert.

“What did you get tonight?”

He pointed to his girlfriend and said “Her vagina when it is ready!”

Except he did not say vagina. He said something quite more descriptive.

You know, sometimes I wonder what my life would be like if I would have applied myself a little more in school. Maybe I could have been a doctor or a lawyer.

For now, I am the guy you can yell at when your burger is cooked wrong.

I live a good life because of it.

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