People ask me to put up a workout playlist. I am not going to lie…..I do not like them.
Every time I see one up, it just looks the same. Usually fifteen songs. Twelve of them are techno songs or metal I have never heard of, two of them are songs that I have heard of that are remixed by some DJ and then there is the one “old school” jam that makes the list cool.
I am stupid. Stupid people like Pandora. I tell Pandora what kind of music I like and Pandora says “Well, here you go. Be careful, you only get a few skips per hour.”
But I do believe everyone should have a theme song. A theme song that starts to play when you do something amazing. A theme song when you do something not that amazing.
Situations for a theme song….
Walking in the gym
Weighing yourself and losing weight
Getting a phone number from a random stranger
Saving money at the grocery store
Not waiting more than five minutes to checkout at Target
Buying Sobe Lifewater for under a buck
Theme songs change from time to time. Every hero needs one. And my theme song….
My story gets lost on my blog from time to time, but four years ago I was unmotivated. I was cynical. I was what most people would call a failure.
I was over 400 pounds. In fact, I have never been in a room where someone weighed more than me. It was not until I blogged that I met and spoke to people over 400 pounds. I made people who weighed 300 pounds feel better about themselves.
And I ate. There is no doubt about how much I ate. I would stuff my face and think “This is the last time I do this, I think tomorrow I will eat better.” Funny thing about tomorrows…..they are today before you know it.
I have always had a problem with food. It just got worse. Food destroyed every bit of self worth I had. Because I could not control myself, I lost my life. Pants would not fit. Using a urinal was impossible. Wiping myself was non existent. Sex was not a thought. You have to breath for life, but when all you do is breath, your life is gone.
I hated it. I hated myself. I would have done anything to change. That anything was something easy. I would have taken a pill. I would have made a deal with the devil. Anything so I did not have to face myself every day.
Until I finally did.
I did change. One day I woke up and said today would be different. I have said it so many times before, but for some reason, that day, February 27th 2008 was different. I got some structure with my eating. It was not easy, but I knew what I had to do. I could not kind of eat well. I had to go all or nothing. That is what you have to do when you are 250 pounds overweight. Or at least what I had to do.
I started to workout. I hated it at first. Then I got used to it, then I fell in love with it, now I can not do without it. Ask my wife how I am if I miss two days of workouts. Ask my wife what I am willing to do each day for two hours at the gym. I have heard of people going three days a week for 30 minutes. I am different. I need the gym, for more than just building my body.
I started to lose weight. My life came back to me. you can not really brag that you are able to wipe yourself. You can not high five your friends that you can wear a seat belt. You just cry of happiness. There were a lot of happy tears. More happy tears than Facebook statuses. I was getting my life back.
After a year I got it back. I have kept my life. Booths do not intimidate me. I am able to buy clothes. I can stand at a urinal and I do not need to use a handicap stall anymore.
The thing is, I am not special. Not any more special than you are. I have a normal job and normal bills and normal problems.
But I have won. Without a trainer or a RD, I looked in the mirror and say all the chins I had and said enough. I can not do this anymore. Not just for me, but for everyone around me. There is a certain numbing effect food gives me. it is not fair to people who care about my health. It is not easy, but nothing worthwhile is. People ask me how I lost weight, and I say the stupid way. Because I changed what I eat and I work out all the time. Not by changing one small thing, or working out a little.
I am not perfect. Not many people are. But I did “the impossible”. I did it with support and every day I saw the changes and pushed myself.
If you get anything from me, know that I am living proof that demons can be beat. Mine is food, yours might be something else. It is hard as hell and not fun. The reward is worth it.
So now, like the song says, “All I Do Is Win”. How can I feel bad anymore. I have spend way to long feeling bad about myself. That is my theme song. Every hero deserves one.
And every time I walk into my home, my son hands go up….
And they stay there.