This Wednesday I got some sort of virus. I felt horrible. I could not eat anything until last night.

During that time, I think I lost a good amount of weight. It was not worth it to me. I would rather have overeaten than to feel as sick as I was.

But I remember writing something a while back about being an overweight kid, and what I would do to lose weight.

Nine

 

“Maybe if I got a disease I would lose weight.”

I was nine when I mumbled this.

My mom was talking to me about losing weight.

I was frustrated. I was sick of people making fun of me. I did not like that my mom had to adjust my pants.

My mom did not hear me say this.
No mother wants to hear their child say something like this.

It is like a knife through your heart. It is devastating.

I was nine. I was a kid in the 80′s. Where diets consisted of Lean Cuisines and Diet Shasta. Where Richard Simmons was a hero for having overweight people on his workout videos. Where Dexatrim was candy and maybe 10% of all food had nutritional information.

I have never taken a class on weight loss, yet I am an expert.

I know what a pound gain can do to someone who works hard. Where interpreting a diet wrong can make you feel like a failure. Where as good as you are doing, someone else is doing better, and you need to know how they do it.

I know the great feeling of wearing smaller pants and the sadness of wearing bigger pants. Where you raise your hands and say “Never Again” and three months later eat your words.

I know about this because I have lived it.

In my 20′s I lost over 80 pounds by lowering my portions. I would have told you that I should have written a book about it.

Only to gain back all and more.

I know this because I remember losing weight in high school. Weighing 155 pounds for a brief moment only to still consider myself fat. Not happy with myself.

Only to gain back all and more.

Sometimes I look at myself now. I see the muscles, definition. For the first time I do not see myself as fat. I do not look at my imperfections. I do not care about the loose skin that is getting tighter. I do not care about the “new” diets that I have heard before.

I care that I have my life back. So much is taken away at 400 pounds. Dignity, a voice, power.

No one wants to listen. You do not want to listen. I did not want to listen.

In some weird way, I needed to be 400 pounds. I was not going to keep the weight off any other way. I needed life to be hard.

You can tell me all day long I would have. How strong I am.

Tell that nine year old boy.

So every day is new. I love working out. I love fruits and vegetables. It never gets easy, but it is doable.

Every day I do this, every day I watch what I eat, every day I work out, every day I make things happen….

I tell that nine year old boy you do not need a disease to lose weight.

No one does.

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