It was a few years back when I was a chef. I was sitting in the office when a hostess came up and asked me if she could dress up for Halloween.

Her name was Kate, and she was a great employee. She was in college and took both her school work and work very seriously.

At the time, I thought it would be kind of cool for people to dress up. I asked her who she was dressing up as?

“Well, I love the Yankees. So I think this year I am going to dress up like my hero Derek Jeter.”

Although I am not a Yankees fan, I did think it would be very neat for guests to see a baseball player at the door. So I told her not a problem at all.

On Halloween, I noticed something out of the corner of my eye. I say a girl in six inch stiletto heels, white knee high socks, a pinstripe thong, and a little top that had a Yankees emblem on it.

Kate was so proud and I was mortified. What did I do???

“Um….Kate….that is not Derek Jeter.”

She was confused. So she decided to point at the number 2 right by her nipple.

“I am totally Derek Jeter…see!”

I basically made up a lie that we got a memo from corporate that no one could dress up. I was a creeper in her eyes. She knew I was lying, which made me feel more like a creeper. She said okay, and changed into her normal hosting attire.

When I went home to tell my wife the story, she looked at me like an idiot….

“Duh….it is Halloween. It is the day to dress up a little less. Everyone knows that!”

Not a guy who has been consumed with candy for so long………

My wife is right, pleated pants make me look heavier than I am. I am okay with that. So does the hoodies I wear, or the shirts that are always one size larger than when I really could wear. No one could tell that I work out by looking at me. I try to make it that way.

I have to be honest, 98% of me hates the tank top pictures I take. It makes me feel weird. I am self conscious as it is, so I usually do it very quick. I hold a weight to see the muscle definition I have gained, and what I need to work on.

I do not want to be one of those people that I see at the gym. The gallon water carrying, shirt wearing Otomix shoes owning guy. That is not what the gym ever meant to me.

Yet, 2% of me loves getting the attention when I put a picture like this up on my blog or Facebook. It is weird when you go from being made fun of to somebody saying “Damn!!!!”. I get it if it goes to your head, but for the most part, it is a nice feeling to have someone who you do not know kind of eyeballing you……

I read a lot online, and every time around Halloween, I read about how horrible it is for women to dress up so skanky and how people protest dressing up for Halloween.

Here is the thing. A lot of times, I see the picture of the people writing these articles. They are hot. Very hot women. They have been to bars where guys hit on them and they roll their eyes. They have been asked to prom. They have been told in the past they look good. Some people have not.

There are two kinds of overweight people. There are people who were skinny and then turned overweight, and people who have been overweight their whole lives. I have been overweight my whole life. I knew that grilled was healthier than fried at age 10. I went out with my friends to make them look better. I stood on the side at dances. I knew the “Please do not ask me out” look all too well.

I am a guy. With that being said, I do not believe that nurses wear thigh high stockings. I do not believe that cops wear mini skirts and that pirates wear fishnets. I do not believe that Minnie Mouse wore a short red dress, and that Little Red Riding Hood showed her chest. I do not believe that wearing a little business suit makes you Sarah Palin, and I ow that doctors wear clothes under their coats.

I also know that for one time, whether it is Halloween or a special occasion, it is nice to get a little attention. To be consumed all day with food and scales and working out, it is nice to have a random person one time say “Damn” when you have not heard it before. When someone compliments your legs or arms after dwelling over a two pound gain. When someone “likes” your picture on Facebook.

This is a weird post from me, but I support Halloween Hoochiness. I think that there is nothing wrong with getting some attention when you have not gotten it before….

Just do not dress up like that for my restaurant.

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