The “Great Personality” Myth
TweetI realized a while back that as an overweight person, I look at things differently than other people…..
Halloween
Other people- I am so excited about going to a haunted house this year. Not sure what I should dress up as…a “naughty” nurse or a “naughty” baseball player? I can not wait to go downtown dancing!!!!
Me- What the f*ck is a “Fun Size” piece of candy anyway and why is it in the house? I would assume that a “King Size” Kit Kat is much more fun than the “Fun Size”. You know, we should have bought Double Bubble to give out this year instead of Twix because I am going to eat the whole bag of the Twix. Maybe if I eat the bag and replace it I will not be caught.
Thanksgiving
Other people- Thanksgiving is such a great time to be with family. I always eat a little more than I should.
Me- I am going to eat everything on the table. I am going to fool myself by saying I will eat less during the day, but I will eat all day. Then after I eat everything on the table, I will promise myself to start eating better the next day, but leftovers will derail me till December 16th.
Christmas
Other people- I love this time of year!
Me- The holiday can lick my a**. Just throw that ham in the air and I will catch it with my mouth and spit out the bones.
The one thing that I see much more differently than others is the term “Great Personality”.
Great Personality
Other people- I have a friend named Tony. He has a great personality. One of the best personalities.
Me- I have a friend named Tony. When you see him, you will notice that he is extremely overweight. Obese even. Yet, even though he is a beast, please give him a chance. You know the term”Judging a book by its cover”? Yeah, well, he has an enormous cover.
The funny thing is…I do not have a great personality. I never have.
I am actually quite sarcastic. My wife gets very frustrated with me because of it. I roll my eyes all the time and I do not even realize it.
I am stubborn and when I feel someone is taking advantage of me I become very nasty. I have no issues with confrontation and I do not lose any sleep if someone is mad at me. I also have this crazy determination to get things done, which some people would find obsessive.
When you meet me, I do not talk. I come across as snobby, but I am actually extremely shy in real life. Once I do talk, I rarely talk about myself and would rather find out about you.
Yet, I am nice. I am caring. I do try to help people in any area I know about. I am generous with my time and I really have gotten better in social areas.
But I do not have a “Great Personality”. I do not know what that means. I have never left a room and described someone as “having a great personality”.
Because in my mind, “Great Personality” means overweight.
I did not want to be the guy that had a “Great Personality”. I wanted to be the guy known as “Le Douche”. The one that was skinny. The one that girls talked about. The one that would high five the football players in the hallway at school.
I am going to tell you the reason why I am writing this. Something that I have written about before and something that might help you.
Do not confuse “fat” with “ugly”. I did for a long time. I thought because I was fat, that also meant I was ugly.
I am not ugly. I have proven that to myself while losing weight. Being overweight takes away a lot of self esteem, and when you get it back, do not let it go.
There are a ton of beautiful sexy and handsome overweight people. Fat has nothing to do with being ugly. The Biggest Loser and other shows like that take beautiful overweight people and turn them into beautiful skinny people. That is why the show is so popular.
Do not get me wrong, I want to be healthy. I work hard to be healthy. I think that everyone should make some steps to be healthier.
But please, do not confuse fat with ugly.
Because my goal is to not have a “great personality”. I am well on my way.
I also am afraid that people think I have such a “great personality” because it’s so much easier to be the first person who makes fun of myself…even though I would never say an unkind word about anyone else. Not sure that’s a great personality trait.
Tony,
This posted summed up my life verbatim until I made a decision to change my life. Thanks for writing this…I needed to read it
Jon L.
You were totally inside my brain with the first three holidays. The fun size candy bar one especially. Funny stuff dude.
I’ve always though I was sexy though
You had me at “What the f*ck is a fun size candy bar?” SO FUNNY. AND I think you just quoted my thoughts on the holidays. AWESOME.
Haha, you tickle me silly!
Great post!
I love this. I have some personal experience with this. I fell in love with someone who was fat and amazingly good looking and sexy. But I saw people see ugly. And I was judged and actually told “you can do better!’.
And it made me crazy.
He did also have a great personality, but the REAL kind of great personality. Not the fake kind.
Anyway. Another great post.
Great post…I can totally relate. I hated when people would tell me that I’d be so -fill in the blank- (hot, sexy, etc) when I lose weight. 3 cheers for back handed compliments! Thanks for noticing that I’m fat with potential?
“Great Personality” is CODE for “otherwise repulsive”, in my experience. Recently I came across a book NICE GIRLS FINISH FAT and thought it didn’t fit me, since I don’t think of myself as a doormat when it comes to friendships, jobs, etc. But my husband has always been my conscience about people-pleasing tendencies, so I began taking stock the other day on how my relationships have changed, especially lately, since dropping over 100 pounds over the past 18 months…
I’m noticing I’ve discarded some unhealthy habits re. putting up with other people’s sh*t, especially friends who I’ve been somewhat in awe of in the past, due to their physical beauty and “natural” slenderness! i.e. I’m not dropping everything to dash off to see a long-time friend who’s several hours’ drive away this week. I’m not putting up with abusive behavior from a former client who’s been less-than-respectful in the past and just told my husband to “go to hell”. I’m no longer giving-the-benefit-of-the-doubt to folks who have repeatedly proven they don’t value what I bring to the party. Does this impair my “great personality”? Did I ever HAVE a “great personality” I dunno – I always chose to suck-it-up and then overeat in the past.
In the process of tuning-in to my own visceral feelings re. fullness or hunger, I’m becoming more and more aware of when I’ve been dissed by so-called friends who turn out to always be the receiver in essentially one-way relationships. Letting go of being “nice” all the time comes with letting go of the extra food, at least for me!
On the happiness scale, this rates right up there with clearing the closet of fat-clothes!! Thanks for the thought-provoking blog, Tony!
Reading this has sparked a post in my brain…at 2am. I’m going to put a post it note on my screen and hopefully the inspiration will still be there at 11am after I get the kids around and breakfast done. Can I ask, what do you give out for Halloween? I don’t want to bring anything fun sized into this house and at the same time, I remember the joyous fun of trick or treating and I know the kids will be at my door.
I am loving all the comments just as much as your post today! And BTW, you don’t have a great personality, you have an amazingly sarcastic, witty and thoughtful personality and I for one LOVE IT!