What possess a man to wear short shorts??? Like shorts where a Swiss Ball is about to pop out?
Today I was at the gym. I have really been hitting a good streak of workouts. My strength has gone up and my cardio has been going well. I have really been “stepping up” on the StairMaster (ha!).
While on the StairMaster today, a man who I will call “Nut Huggers Delight” started to work out on the StairMaster next to me. I have never seen him in the gym before. He was probably in his fifties and he was wearing the shortest shorts I have ever seen. Shorts that would make 1970’s NBA stars cringe. Shorts that would make a Chippendale blush. Shorts that Lady Gaga would find offensive.
While I was working out, I could not get his shorts off my mind. I wanted to, but they were bright yellow. “Nut Huggers” was bringing back the banana!
Who in their right mind would wear shorts like that to the gym? These shorts were way short. My biggest fear was that I was going to look down and see a coconut flopping around.
Then I wondered if he truly thought that women (or anyone) would find his shorts attractive. I guess I have looked at a woman with short shorts before ( Those would be called Cookie Cutters) and thought they were sexy.
When guys wear things like that, I always feel that Chris Hansen from “To Catch A Predator” will pop out….
“Hold it right there! Have a seat!”
But I was working out well. “Nut Hugger Delight” was not going to stop me. My heart rate was around 150 for most of the time on the StairMaster. I was listening to Pandora. I had it on the 80’s channel, and was jamming to “Maniac”.
If I ever make a movie, I want “Maniac” to be the opening song with me eating.
After “Maniac” came “Careless Whispers”. Not the cool remade Seether version, but the old George Michael dandy! I was going to ask “Nut Hugger Delight” if he maybe wanted to dance.Then I realized, I never want to dance again. I mean, guilty feet have got no rhythm (Don’t Judge!).
This is why I was nominated for “The Top 50 Most Inspirational Healthy Tweeps”.
This is why you should vote for me. Because nothing says inspiration like Theantijared on Twitter. From my crude jokes to offensive @, you will be delighted and thrilled what this 200 pound loser has in store.
Actually, I like competitions, and I would love to beat out each of the “Big Six”.