I like Ryan. He is the beauty and brains behind the design of my blog. He switched me over from Blogger to WordPress, which after a year I still do not understand. He has been incredibly helpful in anything I have asked about websites. He is…well…a class act.

Funny how I did not talk to him for over a year in the past.

Anyway, he wrote a post called “What I Wish More People Knew About Me“. It is a great and honest post. I learned things that I did not know about Ryan. At the end, he wrote PLEASE WRITE THIS POST. Geez, he did not have to yell!

I do not think I am going to write that post. Instead, I want to talk about the word wish…and why it held me back for so long.

I wish I could lose weight. I have tried everything!

2008 does not seem that long ago. Yet it was over three years that I was over 400 pounds. I was miserable. I do not remember many individual days. I just remember a clump of my life where I felt useless. There is one day I remember. I remember having a horrible day at work. I worked for a different restaurant at the time, and I had a real nasty boss. I wanted to quit so bad. I wanted to go on disability so that I could finally find time to lose weight……

I wish I had more time to workout! Even thirty minutes!

My wife asked me what was wrong. I was in the kitchen. I was getting something to eat. I always got something to eat. I was so unhappy. I tried to get my food as quickly as possible because my back started to hurt and I wanted to sit down. Instead I started to cry. I cried because I had no way out. I was over 400 pounds, and losing even 50 pounds was a distant dream. I was in pain. Food comforted me. Food did not judge me when everyone else did……..

I wish I enjoyed eating fruits and vegetables. I mean, I try!

I told my wife about disability, and she told me I would never be able to go on it. She was right. It frustrated me so much. How could I get healthy? How could I lose wight? At the time I worked full time. Life does not stop for anyone. I worked around food, every single day. My job was to make sure the food tasted right. How was I going to resolve that? I could not get another job because I looked like a walking time bomb. I could not even weigh myself because I did not have a scale that went over 400 pounds.

I wish I could get a trainer!

I hated everything about me. I could not believe I let myself go. Why didn’t a light bulb go off at 300 pounds to lose weight? Why didn’t I get more scared when I could not put on a seat belt? I was stuck. I do not cry often, but I did that day. I wished my life was different, because if it was I would be different. I wished I had time to eat right. I wished I did not work around food. I wished I could get some sort of motivation to be healthier. I wished I cared more about myself…..

I wish I had the courage you do!

That was over three years ago. Since then I have lost over 200 pounds. I have the same type of job. I find an hour to two a day to work out with a son, a wife who works full time, and nine million other things going on in my life just like you do.

The difference is I do not wish. I can’t afford to wish anymore.

Ryan and I are different in a lot of ways. I have no issues with people being inspired by my story..as long as I am as well. I hate going to the movies. I have a remarkable memory.

But Ryan did not need to wish you knew more about him. He got everything accomplished in one post.

One thing we do have in common is we both do not know what we want to be when we grow up….

Well, maybe we both do.

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