Name: Kevin

Comments: Hi Tony.

I think I might have commented on 1 or 2 of your posts, but for the most part, I’m a lurker.
I just wanted to send you a couple of comments.
I can see why people might get turned off by the self-promotion. You write these passionate posts about how this is strictly about YOUR journey, it’s not a popularity contest, and you make a big deal about dismissing any PR rep who approaches you for endorsements. Yet at the same time, it’s becoming more and more apparent that you’re desperate for approval and celebrity.
It seems to me that you want it both ways. You want the popularity, the traffic, and the name recognition of the headline bloggers, but you are terrified to be perceived as “selling out.” Tony, I think you need to make a choice. Either keep this blog about YOU and accept that there’s a ceilng to how high you can go (and stop blogging about face-handing “The Man”), or play the “game” like the rest of the bloggers, and take it to the next level. Either way is fine, but trying to walk the fence is clearly causing you a lot of stress.
You’ve always come off as very self-confident and thick-skinned, so these latest round of posts came as a surprise to me. You are so regimented, committed, and consistent with your eating and your exercise that I think I actually started to believe that nothing bothered you. Yet clearly a couple negative comments have gotten under your skin. I don’t have any advice for you, and I fully recognize that it would be arrogant of me to even assume you WANTED advice from some random stranger on the Internet. I just wanted to let you know how it looks from out here in the crowd.
I hope you find your path, Tony. Your journey has been very impressive, and I’d love to keep reading about it.

I do not think there is a right or wrong reason to blog. Some people do it to help others. Some people do it to help themselves. Some people have no one to listen to. Some people do it to get attention.

For a long time, I did it for all of those reasons…..or I thought so.

When I first started blogging, I did it to document my journey. I needed a place to talk about my weekly weight loss. Every forum I went to seemed to have the nastiest people. Every time I patted myself on the back, someone wanted to throw a dagger in it. Blogging was a cool way for me to write down my ideas.

Then I got a comment. Someone told me “Keep it up”. It felt so good that people were cheering me on. So I wrote more and more about my journey. I would talk about being down 180 pounds…then 185. 200 pounds lost! Comments came in. People were calling me an inspiration.

Then my blog shifted to a more inspirational approach. I felt good, and wanted others to feel that way. You learn very early that people are in so many different stages of weight loss. No matter what you write, you are bound to offend someone.

Then I talked more and more about my past. The horror and humiliation of being over 400 pounds.

Then there was a time when I wanted attention. Stonyfield, Polar, Eggland’s Best…..LOOK AT ME!!!!I lost weight and I can promote your product on Twitter! Give me a few bucks and I can do a giveaway. It did not work for me. Some bloggers are meant to be promoters. Unfortunately, I am not one of them.

The funny thing is my blog has changed a lot. I have changed a lot. I did not learn anything about weight loss in the three years I have blogged, but I learned about me. There has not been an iPhone app or a workout that has revolutionized the way I look at weight loss. My blog has shown me that I am a food addict. It is not because I was 400 pounds that I am a food addict. It is the way I look at food. I do not have a favorite food. Anything can trigger me. I eat to numb myself. I got to 400 pounds without drinking alcohol or having a sugary drink. I still can not unserstand how weight loss bloggers put pictures of food on their blog, but that is not your problem. That is my problem. That is me with the way I eat.

Yet, I refuse to live my life in pity and shame. I have come to really embrace “No Excuses”. Not in a stupid Jillian Michaels or fitness blogger way, but I know that food will never make me feel as good as a hug or smile. I understand that I (Make sure you understand that I put “I” and not everyone) can not have a cheat meal, nor do I want one. I know I will always drive by fast food no matter which way I go, and I know that I will always have to have self control.

When I gained weight over the last two years, I ate fruits, vegetables, lean meats and grains. I did not eat fast food or pies. I ate a good amount of it in my crusade to “gain muscle”. It worked to some degree, yet I was still 260 pounds.

There are MILLIONS of diets and MILLIONS of workout plans, but I know what works for me. it is incredibly narcissistic to say that what will work for me is the only way. It is not, in fact, I would not wish my eating or workouts on anyone else.

My story is not similar to most, but I am a good story teller. I know how to word things in a way that will either anger or enthrall you.

The last week was the toughest in my life. It is not anything I want to talk about on my blog. It is very personal. But I will say when I felt pain, I wanted to eat. I knew that working out would be a challenge.

I looked around my house. I saw cupcakes that were two weeks old from my son’s birthday party. I saw an Entenmann’s cake that was six days expired. For the first time in a long time I wanted to numb my pain with food.

I did not. After writing over 700 posts about how selfish I have been in the past, I realized I was being selfish. After writing 700 posts about how I would not feel any better, I believed it.

That very moment I got an email. One that was inspired by me and had some questions. The last part of the email was what changed me……

“I want to start losing weight, and I want to start running again, but, with a two year old and my wife working, it’s been hell finding the time.”

I have a two year old….
My wife works full time…….
I work full time……

So the last week I focused on my eating even more while dealing with everything else. Although I was unable to go to the gym as often as I would have liked to, I found a new way to work out (And trust me you will LAUGH when you hear about it!). I should have fallen. No one would have felt bad, everyone would have understood. In fact, most would have said “It is okay”.

All except me.

Today I got on the scale I weighed 219.6. My goal is to be 190 by the end of the year which I will get to. I am a two time 200 pound loser. That is enough.

So why do I blog? I have given so many different reasons. The truth is for my wife. I rarely talk, and I need my wife to know how much I love her. How much she means to me.  She needs to hear about my successes and my struggles. This is the best way for me to do it.

I put a comment I got a few months back up on the top of this post. A lurker gave me advice on my blog. I sent back a snarky reply.

Honestly, I am so glad you all read The Anti-Jared. I will say, Tony is much much more.

My comments are off on this. This is not a post I want any feedback on. I appreciate you reading it, but this post helps me.

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