The Parent
TweetWhen it comes to weight loss blogging, I think that Lyn is unique.
It seems like so many blogs are like so many others. Health bloggers all mesh into one, fitness trainers like to yell, and even weight loss blogs are similar. Heck, even my blog, which I thought was so original for so long, is like others out there.
Lyn’s blog is not like any that I have read. She has blogged for years now, and each post shares her journey…good or bad.
Last week, she asked a question…..
What do you think… what do you *honestly* think… when you see a very obese mother with her very obese young child? What do you think? Do you make any assumptions? How do you feel towards the mother? Towards the child?
The question is not unique. I have been asked this question numerous times. I never have given an answer.
What was unique was where she said “what do you *honestly* think…”. See, we all think we know the answer, right. Maybe just afraid to say it in this crazy weight loss blogging world?
Or do we know?
Then her post ended with this…
I am looking for honest answers here, from everyone. There is no right or wrong answer, as I am only asking about what you, personally, think. You can leave your thoughts anonymously if you like.
This is why I love to read Lyn’s blog. Over 90 people responded. I did not.
Here is my answer……
I am looking for honest answers here, from everyone. There is no right or wrong answer, as I am only asking about what you, personally, think. You can leave your thoughts anonymously if you like.
Growing up, my parents were never over 200 pounds. In fact, no one in my family has been over 240 pounds….except for me. I am the one who had a food addiction.
We always had fruits and vegetables in the house. We had workout equipment. My mom wanted to go for walks and my dad played sports with me. Still, no one realized how much I ate.
I am looking for honest answers here, from everyone. There is no right or wrong answer, as I am only asking about what you, personally, think. You can leave your thoughts anonymously if you like.
My parents never took me to a buffet. In fact, I think buffets are gross. I get it, an overweight person can eat whatever they want for seven bucks. Yet, you pay for everyone looking at you. Everyone touching all of the food there. My food issues went farther that the normal person watching me eat. I would rather be tortured than to eat in a buffet.
I am looking for honest answers here, from everyone. There is no right or wrong answer, as I am only asking about what you, personally, think. You can leave your thoughts anonymously if you like.
I lost weight for the first time at 14 years old. There was no pressure from my family. There was no nudging or hidden comments from my parents. I realized at a young age that if I reverse my eating, then I could lose weight. 50 pounds in three months. This was before the internet. This was before weight loss apps on phones. My parents and I did not talk much about it. They were proud, but ould see struggles for many years to come.
I am looking for honest answers here, from everyone. There is no right or wrong answer, as I am only asking about what you, personally, think. You can leave your thoughts anonymously if you like.
My mom and I talk about diets once in a while. She asks me about the latest ones, and I try to give her my opinion. After so many years, dieting is a joke to me. Weight Watchers changes all the time, Jenny Craig is in a box. Atkins is still Atkins, and to say counting calories is a diet is like saying the way to extreme wealth is balancing your checkbook. I do not expect people to agree with me. After years of dieting, I am okay with being cynical.
I am looking for honest answers here, from everyone. There is no right or wrong answer, as I am only asking about what you, personally, think. You can leave your thoughts anonymously if you like.
My parents have nothing to do with my weight gain throughout the years. They tried. They helped me in a lot of ways. They helped me with my self esteem. The helped me with my self confidence. They showed me that anything is possible. For the last three years I have lived the life I should have for so long.
I am looking for honest answers here, from everyone. There is no right or wrong answer, as I am only asking about what you, personally, think. You can leave your thoughts anonymously if you like.
I do not think people are very honest. I think that the question asked is one where it could get a lot of backlash if you say the wrong thing. I also think that an anonymous answer is worthless on this.
But I thought of a different question. What do you think where you see a very fit mom with a overweight child? What do you think when you see a mom in all spandex yelling at her child for eating a Twinkie? Better yet, what do you think when you are working out next to a seven year old on an elliptical machine. Her mom is right next to her. Instead of playing outside, the child is working out? This is what I saw today.
I probably did not answer Lyn’s question at all. Obesity is a weird thing. You could always look at me and see my problems. Most people are able to keep their problems on the inside. Everyone has problems.
I do not think anything when I see overweight people. I do not think anything when I see skinny people.
I have enough to deal with.
I think about myself and my family. I think about the way I was brought up and the way I want to raise my son.
And I think I am well on my way to being a great parent.
I can relate. As a child I had a rather “large” appetite but was not really overweight. I remember at the age of around 7 I was eating a large bowl of cereal and my mother told me “if you keep eating like that you’ll get fat like Aunt Lora!” Well thats all fine and dandy, but I LOVED my Aunt Lora, so being like her was not considered a bad thing in my mind. This to me was the spark that fired a battle with overeating and numerous eating disorders for over 20 years. I had gotten to be pretty big in my college years and my father had told me i was “bigger than a cadillac”…which hurt so much. you never forget those words coming from your parents.
HAHAHA This reminds me of K-mart in high school. You NEVER wanted to be caught dead in a K-mart but it never dawned on anyone that if someone saw you in K-mart THEY WERE IN THE KMART TOO!!!
Anyone IN a buffet judging someone in a buffet…well…that’s crazy talk now, isn’t it?
No one should be in a buffet, ever, because they’re unsanitary and gross. *shudder* – but if someone is, they’re no better or worse than the fat people in the buffet. Fueling themselves with sub-par crap. And hey, that’s their choice…but once someone has decided to stoop to that food-quality level don’t try and pat yourself on the back for not being fat. LOL
I will say that when I see an obese parent with an obese child I feel sad. I feel that there are either medical issues not being dealt with or that will need to be dealt with or there is not the proper nutrition being supplied at family meals. I don’t judge, I just feel sad and wish I could help.
As for seeing the mom and the daughter at the gym, I guess it depends on the age of the child. Maybe the child asked to go with the mom? Maybe the mom is fearful of family history and wants to instill health into her daughters life, although it could be better instilled through a fun playful alternative!
While I think it is overkill for a parent to be that fixated on what their children are eating and everyone should be able to indulge occassionally I also think that we as American’s have a horrible diet and obesity is increasing every single day. Something needs to be done and that needs to start with the parents getting educated and having support raising their children healthy.
This opens up so many other things like access to healthy food. Up until a few years ago I had no idea that not everyone could travel just a few miles to the nearby local market and get all the fresh fruit and veggies and whole foods they wanted. There are places in large cities where the only place to go is the corner market that sells corn dogs and burritos under a lamp! Here that is where you go to buy beer, cigarettes and pop on your way home, not the healthiest place to visit to purchase your families foods.
Maybe I didn’t really answer the question either. It’s a tough question and answering it only brings on more tough questions.
Thanks for your honesty and your blog! I really enjoy reading.
I suppose I’m the opposite: I DO think about that mother and that child. I wonder if they’re both trapped in a situation that they can’t get a handle on, can’t seem to do anything about.
We want our kids to be happy, and I’ve been way to quick to ply my own kids with sweets or treats to help them secure that happiness, even though I’ve spent my life battling weight issues.
I’m trying to do a better job of showing my children there’s a better way, a smarter way, a more balanced way. I’m trying to set an example for good health and hope that they follow my lead.
And I agree with you whole-heartedly about Lyn’s site.
You know Tony when I read Lyn’s post I thought of a parent and 2 young girls at my children’s school. I felt angry at that woman for allowing her girls to get so obese, I felt terrible for the girls. Yes, I was judging her, judging other obese parents of obese children, judging myself as an obese mom to my daughter. But reading your post turned things around in my mind it made me realize something else. It made me think of something Diana had commented on my blog once about how I talk about myself in front of my daughter and how that means so very much about how my daughter will talk about herself and feel about herself. Putting that all together right this minute in my mind it made me realize what I’ve always known that the weight isn’t about the weight it’s about how we feel about ourselves and that is what we project onto our children. So if I don’t LOVE ME how will my daughter ever LOVE HERSELF. So really it wasn’t about me putting healthier foods in my house but more about that I learned to love myself and that helped my daughter to love herself. Life really is about love and happiness and I know you love your family and you are a happy man now. Thanks for opening my eyes.
Ok to add to this I know my sentence of “it’s about how we feel about ourselves and that is what we project onto our children” doesn’t apply to your situation but I do believe it does for many other parents and children. I do wonder where the “why” comes at for you as to why you were ever obese having such a loving family. Maybe you have answered this before and I missed it.
@ Lee Ann….
In your post you wrote:
“I will say that when I see an obese parent with an obese child I feel sad. I feel that there are either medical issues not being dealt with or that will need to be dealt with or there is not the proper nutrition being supplied at family meals. I don’t judge, I just feel sad and wish I could help.”
How do you know that these people are not providing proper nutrition for their children? Isn’t that assumption in itself judgmental?
Poor nutrition is not the only reason for obesity. My “thin” friend has 3 children. Two are not overweight and one is. They hike together, ride bikes, and eat healthy. The reason the child has weight problems…Constant steroid use from severe asthma. They are changing the meds as her asthma is becoming more controlled.
You do have a right to your opinion, and I can’t honestly say that prior to my friends struggles I didn’t think the same as you (and I am not a thin person), because I have. I just wanted to point out that maybe there are problems beyond what the person on the outside can see.
Well said!