I write a good amount about losing weight.

I have lost weight for most of my life. I would diet, then diet, and then I would diet. I would lose and gain, lose and gain, and then lose and gain.

But this is the first post out of 500 that I am going to say something weird. Ready?

It is hard to realize that you have changed.

Silly, isn’t it? We all want to change. That is what so many blogs are about.

Changes, realizations, different points of view.

For me, I just realized how much I changed. Where no matter what the scale would say, no matter what my workout time would be, I will never be the same person I was a couple of years back.

I hate excuses now. On all levels. I used to make them. I used to listen to them. Now I have no tolerance for them. I wish I did in a way, but I do not. I do not want to hear about holiday eating, or skipping a workout because it is cold or weekend eating, or pizza in the freezer that people did not want to eat. I made those excuses. SO many times. Now, I know what they did to me. So when I hear them from different directions, it frustrates me.

I hate blame. It is his or her fault for all of my woes. I was not like that before. I would always wash my hands of issues. It is not me! My health is not my fault. Is it really fair that there is a fast food restaurant on every corner. It is weird not to look around and see that those decisions were always mine. Good or bad.

I hate “inspirations”. DID I SAY THAT! You should blast me in the comments for this one. How dare I write that! But I do. It is hard now. I was the weak one. The kid that was last picked in kickball. The blogger who was 375 pounds. The one that needed to look in so many different directions for a sign to be better. Hope. Well, not anymore. It is weird to be inspired by yourself. You should know. When you wake up and you are proud of yourself, isn’t it weird? I mean, shouldn’t you look in other directions instead of the mirror. Am I the only one that believes it when I tell myself “I can do it” instead of the insincere people out there that tell me “You can do it”?

I hate being “lazy”. I was. For many years. I do not play the video games I once did. I do not watch TV like I did. I do not want to either. Where a PS3 was a dream for me not looks silly. I do not need a microphone to wave around in the living room. I want to run around outside. Workout where I am not nearly as fit as the Zumba ladies. Watching huge men with tattoos working out around me where my stretch marks are my tattoos. The stretch marks are my war wounds, reminding me of the person I once was.

I realized all of this recently.My wife saw it in me. My family and friends did as well. Maybe you saw it in me a while ago, but this is new.

I was caught up in the “math and science” of losing weight. There are so many people with huge weight losses who do not get it. Losing weight and changing are different.

Would you rather have a great eating and workout week and gain a pound, or eat like crap and lose two pounds, and wonder why?

There are people who want so bad to inspire, yet they are not focused on the most important person, themselves.

Losing weight is hard. I will be the first to admit it. But deep down, I knew that I was going to do it. I knew I was going to lose the 200 pounds, just like the 50 pounds when I was 14, and the 80 pounds when I was 17 and the 95 pounds when I was 23.

I knew I would struggle. I am not afraid to say it. I knew that where people say they “lost it and kept it off for years” I could do the same, but want to talk about how it still is not easy.

But doable.

I did not know how much I would change. I did not know that for the rest of my life, I will be a different person. Take away the hoodie, apples, workouts, and blog, I am not the Tony I once was.I can not go back now.

So when people tell you losing weight is all “math and science” they might be right.

Changing your life is completely different.

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