” Last year you were 198 pounds, and now you are 226. That is a 28 pound gain! I know you are working out, but I do have to ask, are you scared of gaining back your weight? I love your blog and only asking because I care.”

This was part of a very long email I received a few weeks ago.

It was a really nice and caring email from someone I have a lot of respect for.

I believe that there is a big difference in comments and emails. I think that when you get a tough comment, it is for all to see. It can be embarrassing, and put you on the defense. When you get a tough email, it is personal. It makes you think, and does show that the person who is asking the question or giving advice truly cares.

So I thought I would answer the question on my blog.

I am sure that other people have had the same question.

The answer is no.

I am not afraid of gaining back my weight.

Last year, at 198 pounds, I was.

I remember leaving that Weight Watchers meeting at my lowest weight in fifteen years. 198.6 pounds.

At the time, I was working out, but it was mostly cardio (elliptical machine) and circuit training. My eating was good as well. Fruits, vegetables, lean meats, fat free dairy.There was something missing.

I loved WW at the time. I could have been a lifetime member. My doctor would have written me a letter saying I was at my goal weight. He was there through my whole journey.

I was scared because although I felt thin, I was 198 pounds. Most people start their weight loss journey at 198 pounds. I was focused on numbers.

I have done that before. Lost weight, not been happy, and gained it back. So many times. I am a successful at weight loss.

But keeping it off? Being happy? Nah, I am a rookie at all of that.

So I decided to ditch the scale. I decided to gain muscle. I worked out with free weights hard. I changed how I ate a little, adding more protein in my diet. Staying away from “Fat Free” because of hidden sugars.

I ate a little more as well.

I quit WW. That was very hard believe it or not. It was who helped me lose 200 pounds. In the back of my mind, I thought maybe it was a bad move.

It was not, I got what I wanted out of it.

Then I weighed myself this year. 226 was my weight.

I wanted to weigh myself every week. Looking back now, why? I was so happy not weighing myself. I was back again, chasing a number every single week.

It made me realize that I am not going to weigh myself every week. Every month, maybe. But my journey is more than 198 or 226 or 250 or 340 or 420.

I did a challenge. I do not like challenges with weight loss, yet I did one.

Why? Did I lose confidence in my words a year ago?

This journey is a marathon.

Sometimes I go fast, sometimes I go slow.
Sometimes I go the wrong way.
Sometimes I need to stop for water.
Sometimes I can not see the finish line.
Sometimes I worry about passing other people and not worrying about my time.

Right now, I am at the 21st mile of my marathon. Looking back, I have accomplished a lot. I have lost 200 pounds (Or 194 if you want to be technical based on my last weigh in), I have gained muscle, I have great pictures, I have a wife and a son who walks. I love my job and I have people in my life who I have met through this who I will never forget.

21 miles is AMAZING! Most people will never do that.

A marathon is 26 miles.

I am not done yet. I have a lot to accomplish.

So the answer is no, for the first time in my life I am not afraid or fearful of gaining back my weight. I am passionate about working out. I am careful on what I eat, and I do learn from my mistakes.

I do know that I will fluctuate, but I also know that if this was about losing weight, well, I lost 221 pounds in a year.

But my marathon is not about losing weight. it is gaining my life back.

I do know I will be around 200 pounds at the end of the year. I do know that it will be different than the 198.8 pounds in 2009.

I also know I will not go down to 1200 calories a day. I will not take pills. I will not lose confidence.

So I hope that answers your question. I am not scared.

Not anymore.

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