The Anti-Jared- 225 lbs.
Jack Sh*t- 210lbs.

Yeah, a few months ago you made a post about how you could get a publicist and do this and that and be sorta famous. I’m sorry for the horrible paraphrase…You said you didn’t want that. But why not. I mean you had it all written out like you had given it thought, and you have a great story. You’re already touching lives to some extent, why not give it a go and pitch a show or something?
-Stan from Facebook

I love “Thong Song” by Sisqo. I do not like the alternative versions by suburban bands of the song. I do not like the version on Glee. There is only one “Thong Song” for me. It is the orchestra in the back and then Sisqo singing about thongs with an incredible amount of passion.

I heard the song today at the gym. It was weird that it came on when I had Pandora on “Thong Song” station.

And it got me thinking………

Ooh dat dress so scandalous

The other day my wife was watching HLN. There was a woman on there who was around 135 pounds who was shunned by the modeling world because of her weight. She was considered “plus size”.
Was I supposed to feel bad? Maybe, but if she is “Plus Size” at 135 pounds, what am I? Am I “Math problem Will Hunting figured out on the wall that is impossible size” model?

See ya shakin that thang like who’s da ish

Why do people associate Chinese Buffets with food addiction? Am I the only one that would not be caught dead stuffing my face like an a**hole in front of other people. I ate a lot, and I paid money for it. Free food never entered my mind. I ate alone. By myself. I ate normal in front of other people so that they would not know. Funny thing, when you are morbidly obese, they start to suspect.

And ya cruise to the crews like connect da dots

I love 100 calorie snacks for one reason. It looks so great on the box. Then I open the pack, pour the snack in my hand and then think “Yeah, I can see how this is 100 calories”. I am never pleasantly surprised. I never say “Wow, this is AMAZING!” I just eat the box and realize I eat a lot.

She had dumps like a truck truck truck

Why does every “popular” weight loss story sound the same to me now. It never did before. I was inspired, but now I am only inspired by raw blogs. Not the ones that are sponsored. Not the ones that have “the best story”. I love the ones that write their story because it helps them.

Have I become popular?
Have I become the jerk I write about all the time?
Am I going to use ridiculously stupid phrases like “food porn”?

Baby make your booty go da na da na

I have eaten Chef Boyardee out of the can. I squeezed cookie dough in my mouth. I ate a huge meal and justified it by drinking a Diet Coke. I do not write it so you will feel bad. I write it because NO ONE ELSE WRITES IT!!!!!
I am not alone. There are others like me. People who can not control themselves. People who want the miracle pill. people who feel alone, who feel like they should not be on this earth. They should be here!

Let me see that thong

The humor of the “Thong Song” is that I always wore a thong. Not on purpose, but my 5xl boxer briefs turned into a thong with just two swoops of my a**. Does he really want to see my thong?

Stan, I have gone back and forth with it.

I have a few followers, and it is more impressive that most do not even realize my brother is a NY Times best selling author.

But I am not ready to tone down or change my story to become mainstream.

I am not ready to tell you…

“Orlando chef chops his weight with a 200 pound loss!”

Nah, I would rather enjoy blogging and tell you…

“Enormous man lost penis, then finds it after losing globs of fat, uses it to make a baby, and washes dishes!”

True story ya know!

.

Comment With Facebook: