I talk about my wife a lot, but my wife did something very important during the 10 years of knowing her.
My wife loved me just as much at 420 pounds as she does now. She finds me just as attractive when I wore size 60 pants as now in a tank top.
She never forced me to lose weight, she never gave me an ultimatum, she never cared about the scale, but more for me to be healthy.
I get a lot of emails from women who want their husbands to lose weight. They direct their husbands to my site (Not the best move, FYI) and tell them they want them to get skinnier.
A couple of months ago, I got an email from a woman who wanted her husband to lose weight. When they met, he worked out, ran, etc. Now, he is over 275 pounds.
She went on to write that she has done everything. Finally she withheld sex from him until he lost weight and even offered to do “special” things for every ten pounds he lost.
I do not think there is a bigger insult than that.
Sex is not a weapon. Overweight people already feel bad about themselves. People do not need to remind us that we have gained weight. You do not need to say “Hey, did you put on a couple of pounds since I have seen you?” We know, we look in the mirror every day. We jump on that scale with no socks or shoes on at 5am to get the number we want.
But we are human beings as well. We call people “Loved Ones” because of the first word. They should love us no matter what. No matter what size pants we wear, no matter how much we eat.
Should we be a little healthier? Sure.
But not by threats.
Not by insults.
I promise you that if you are not attracted to your “overweight partner”, someone will be. People should not lose weight to have sex with their husbands/wives.
That should be a given. I would hope so at least.
It goes both ways as well, for men and for women. I absolutely hate when I hear the stupid comment “Well, overweight women are really good at ________” (I am sure I am not the only one that has heard that.) Really????????
Women are beautiful, period. The more confident they are, the sexier they become. If you are with someone who has no respect for you, find someone who does. Easier said than done, really?
You are talking to a guy who lost over 200 pounds on his own.
If you want your spouse to lose weight, make sure you want them to be healthy. If you are embarrassed to be around them, not attracted to them, find them repulsive, etc. they will lose the weight and leave you. On their own. And truthfully, I do not blame them. Everyone needs to be treated with respect.
Losing weight is a personal battle that we make public if we want. No one can “make” you lose weight. No amount of money, sex or fame will drop those pounds. You have to want it. Not your husband, not your wife, but you.
If you really want your spouse to lose weight, be there for them when they are ready.
If you take away love and threaten, then shame on you. You are more of the “ones” than “Loved ones”.