Week 2- 224 pounds

Workout out 7 days, ate same.

I remember when I would lay in a pool of sweat.
It was 2am and I was afraid to go to sleep. Afraid I would not wake up.
I always felt numbness. In my arms, in my legs, and in my back. I never slept. I was afraid I would not wake up.
Then I would wonder…..

What if I had a heart attack? How would I get to the hospital? Would they have to have two people carry me? Would I die in the time I would get help? My wife could not take me.

I remember getting ready for work. I would put my belt through my pants before I put them on. I would put my socks on by rocking back and forth on my bed. Every pair of pants I had had an “elastic adjustment” which stretched to the limit. Although they said size 60, I always wondered if it was more like 62 or 64. I would put on my shirt, and would have one in the car that I would switch into because I would sweat. Sweat was the same reason that I wore a lot of cologne.

I remember the first time my seat belt did not fit. It was weird, because it seemed like it fit the day before. My belly would hit the steering wheel, so I would push the seat back, until it did not go back anymore. I could drive with no hands. My stomach would control the wheel.

I remember when I would drop a dollar and not pick it up. It was not worth the bend. The chance of ripping pants.

This was all in 2008. Not in 1989. Not in 1997. 2008. Two years ago.

When I was losing all the weight, I remember the sizes dropping. I remember the milestone losses. I remember all of the compliments and praises I received.
This journey was not about looking in the mirror with self doubt. It was not saying “I look horrible, I need to lose weight.” I never cared what others thought of me. I always felt like I was dashing.
It was not about skinny jeans. It was not about being hot.

I wanted to take back what I once had. I wanted to take back normal.

I did. Out of the 500 posts I have written, I do not knock myself. I do not call myself any names. I am happy.

The first post I wrote should have been called “Happily Ever After” because that is the life I am living now.

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