OH MY GOD! You lost 200 pounds! I must know, how did you do it!

Well, I changed the way I ate. I really try to avoid processed foods as much as possible, and limit my portions. I work out every day and stay active. It is a struggle, but it seems to work and it is worth it.

Great! So do you use Trimspa?

Um…no. I do not use diet pills. They really never worked for me.

OK. How about Stacker 2. Does that help you lose weight?

Well, um..what? I just told you I do not use diet pills. You asked me how I lost weight and I told you.

Cool, so I do not have a lot of time for working out. Do you have a 10 minute plan that can get me ripped? By the way, there is a Biggest Loser marathon on Bravo this weekend and I am totally watching it!

I try to spend at least 30 minutes at the gym, most of the time it is around 60-90 minutes.

Yeah, WAY TOO LONG! So how about juices? I heard about a green juice.

No, I try to eat the whole fruit for fiber. It keeps me fuller longer.

Did you hear that Corn Pops have 4 grams of fiber per serving!

Wait, who cares? You asked me how I lost weight. I do not eat Corn Pops. I do eat fiber from fruits and vegetables, but not Corn Pops.

You should for Fiber! Anyway, do you have a Lapband? I heard that you lose a lot of weight that way?

What is going on here? I told you how I lost weight. I do not have a secret way. I do not have an easy way. I do not have a lapband.

Sorry Jarrrred! Anyway, should I get the Cookie Diet that I see at Walgreen’s? I mean, the doctor on the box says it is healthy and, well, it is cookies.

Weight Watchers worked for me, but I hear that Jenny Craig is good as well. You just asked me how I lost weight and I told you. I do not have a recommendation.

What about Spanx? Should I get spanx?

Umm… I could care less.

Listen, the way you lost weight is boring. It seems like a lot of work. Losing weight should be easier. So tell me about this colon cleanse with Jillian Michaels.

I really do not know.

Or that pill with Kim Kardashian on it. She looks great. She did it very quickly.


I like Pork Rinds. Is there a diet that can incorporate that?

I told you how I lost weight. it is not flashy, nor exciting. I did not eat what I wanted, I did sacrifice. I did not work out for 10 minutes a day, I moved things around my schedule just for the privilege of going to the gym. It worked for me. Will it work for you, I do not know. But the latest and greatest thing might not be the best. Don’t you realize that there has been a fictitious “Weight Loss Secret” for years?

Now we are talking! What is the weight loss secret?

There is none. There is no Santa Claus, there is no Wizard of Oz and there is no secret.

What about a pizza diet?

I can not get through to you.

Anyway, so how did you lose weight?

I punched myself in the face until my mouth was bloody and I did not want to eat anymore. I did this for the last two years.

(Looking at fist) THANKS!!!!

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