Two years ago, while at the gym, I saw a guy walking backwards on a treadmill. He was with a trainer who was rooting him on. It looked cool. I went up to the trainer and said “Why did he walk backwards on the treadmill. Do you burn more calories?” The trainer patted me on my 400 pound stomach and said “It is what in shape people do!” I smiled and walked off…….

Today I woke up at 5:30am.

I fed the baby and started to clean up a little before the gym.

I broke a rule that I made for myself and started to look at a couple of blogs. I promised myself that I would always work out before looking at Facebook, blogs, etc.

Usually at 6am, I see a new post by Pamela or Mizfit.

Today I saw one from Jen.

It started out with “I now live 15+ minutes from the nearest gym.” I did not read anymore. I grabbed my wallet and went to the gym. I live 20 minutes from my gym.

When I walked into the gym at 6:25am, there were two trainers at the door. They were pointing at a girl’s bottom.

She was attractive, yet I absolutely hate when people do that. I think it belittles people.

If you find someone attractive, go up to them and say so, do not point and google at them. I was the only one that saw these two guys do that.

ne of the guys put his hand out to me and I walked by. I did not shake his hand.

I worked out and looked around the gym. There were women at the gym wearing short shorts. I wonder if people think they are promiscuous? There were guys wearing tight shirts. I wonder if people think they are full of themselves. There were also overweight people. I wonder if people though they were like me two years ago.

While on the ArcTrainer I read the rest of Jen’s post. She asked questions from her readers. Why she wanted this? Why is this worth it? I wish I had the answers for Jen. I do not know why I think she would want this. As you know, Jen is a dear blogging friend of mine. One that I respect a great deal. One that I would do anything for.

I do know why I want this.

Why do I work out all the time at the gym?

I could buy an elliptical machine and work out at home. I have the money for it. I have the space.
I could cut back my calories and workout less. I could go three days a week for 30 minutes a session.

I do a lot of things for my family. I changed my life and the biggest reason is for my family. To live a life that I never thought I could.

The gym, however…I do it for me. I wake up early, drive 20 minutes each way and push myself for me.

I never had confidence.
The gym gives me that.
I never had a voice.
The gym gives me that.

When I got off of the ArcTrainer I looked at my POLAR FT60, the same one Jen has. I looked at the time and wondered when this journey would get easier.
Tomorrow?
In two weeks?
Never?

A couple of weeks back, I asked people for feedback on my blog. The reason for it is because I woke up one day and lost a lot of Facebook followers. I felt like I did something wrong. I got a lot of “You’re doing great!” comments. It still bothered me that I lost followers although I have a good amount.
My wife looked at me and said:

“People do not know where you come from sometimes. You write about eating well when people are struggling. You write about the gym when some people do not have time to go. Some people do not want to hear it. It is hard to relate to you.”

That is 1000% true and it bothers me because I understand where people come from.

I know about tomorrow.
I know that it is hard to turn down a hot dog at a BBQ although it will be more than a hot dog.
I know what it is like to eat poor on a special occasion.
I also understand not wanting to go to the gym.

I also know the beauty of having confidence. Saying something that helps people. Pushing myself to the limit. The satisfaction of sacrifices for building a better me.

Things I have never had before. Things I do not want to give up now.

Jen, your name is Priorfatgirl. Forget about everyone else for a moment. Think about your name. Prior. Prior. How empowered do you feel now? How great do you feel about yourself? You know the answer why you should go to the gym. No one needs to tell you.

When I left the gym today the two trainers were still at the door. I had my headphones on. I heard one of them say to the other “I guess it is like that?” They did not realize I heard them.

I smiled.

I should have said “It is what in shape people do.”

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