Weight loss is all about accountability.

It is taking ownership for your actions and trying to make yourself better.

Well, during my weight loss journey there were a few instances where I was not accountable for my actions.

A few months ago, I was on a huge Fage kick.

Fage is that Greek yogurt that is super thick and low fat and creamy and blah blah good for you blah.

Every time I ate it though my stomach would bother me a little bit. I kind of ignored it at first yet it got a little worse each time.

Well, one day I went to go work out at 5pm. That is a rarity for me because I usually work out in the morning.

5pm is prime time at the gym, which means it is really hard to find an open cardio machine.

Yet, my favorite cardio machine was open. It was the weirdest thing.

There was 9 million people working out around my lovely elliptical machine.

I was so excited. I started working out, putting passion into my cardio experience.

Around the 10 minute mark, my stomach started to bother me.

I had to toot.

Usually I would run to another machine if I had to, but I was so lucky to be on the elliptical machine.

I could not leave the machine. I would never get back on it!

I tried to pretend like I did not have to fart. I was twisting and turning away on the machine, holding it in like it was a treasure .

I actually made it through the 50th minute when I could not hold it any longer. I slowly let it go so it did not make a sound.

I was praying it was, as a seven year old would call it, “la-no-smell-silentlicious” and I was right about the silent part.

But I started to smell the most rancid smell coming from me.

Stupid Fage!

I had to think quick. People were getting a whiff and I knew that I was going to be embarrassed.

I mean, I was a former 400 pound guy who sweat a lot. Who waddled instead of walked. Who hated life. I could not deal with the humiliation.

Actually, I could have, but this story would not be as funny if I was accountable.

So I made a face, turned to my right and said loudly to the woman next to me

“You are disgusting!”

The woman next to me, a 70 year old woman wearing all pink, looked at me and around in horror.

I ran out quickly. I did not see the ramifications of my comment. I would assume I was blamed because as a wise man once told me

“He who smelt it dealt it!”

I was not accountable for my actions.

But I did learn a valuable lesson!

I am lactose intolerant

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