I am a pretty hard worker. I always have been, even when I was overweight.

After a 12-14 hour day of asking guests how their Quesadillas were, my wife says the same thing to me every time I walk through the door:

“You smell like work.”

Now, she appreciates my work ethic. She knows I take pride in what I do.

She is not fond of me smelling like a restaurant when I come home.

I think it might be time to start looking for a sexier job. I mean, I have lost weight and put on some muscle. Plus, I want my wife to say this to me when I come home:

“You….smell like….WORK (wink)!” (Hence the wink)

So here are some options for my new sexier job:

1. I could work construction. I would only work during lunchtime downtown with a jack hammer. I would go to work with a white tank top and while the ladies would be on lunch break, they would whistle at me.

2. I could work as a Chippendale stripper.


Nothing says sexy like no shirt and a bow tie.
I would be able to do C and C Music Factory some justice with my running man
Good workout
Baby formula is very expensive


It is not 1989

3. I could work as a UPS driver. I would hate to drive the truck. I would just go into offices and go directly to the secretary and say:

“Hey Doris :)! I have this package, can you sign for it.”

4. I could deliver the water for water coolers. The women always swoon over them. Plus, I could carry two at a time.

5. I could be in a boy band. Just like NKOTB! I am kind of like Donny, tough yet lovable!

6. I could be a lumberjack. Just like Brawny!

Well maybe not. I mean, there is not many people who can go to a table and say:

“I hope your cheese fries are cheese-a-riffic!”

I guess I will always smell like work.

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