When I was 420 pounds, I was at work when an employee asked me if I was married.
Before I could answer, I heard in a very loud voice, with many people around:
“Well, Porkchop ain’t married to Jenny Craig, that is for sure!!”
Now, when you hear this, you get nervous.
You get nervous because it is funny.
After hearing 1000 fat jokes, if you think it is funny, then everyone around you will think it is funny.
Once someone makes a funny comment like that, you are in what is know as:
There is nothing you can do. No matter how many comments you make back, you will get hit.
You just have to stand there and take it.
It was rough, but I got used to it. I mean, I am short (5 foot 6), bald, and was overweight.
No matter what I said, an Uncle Fester comment was on the horizon.
Well, during one blizzard, someone made a comment that kind of changed the way I looked at myself. Someone said:
“It is a shame you are so fat. You are proportioned, like a fattybuilder. If you actually gave a sh*t, you would be a beast.”
He was right, I was very proportioned.
I had a huge belly, but I also had huge arms and huge legs.
I had huge ankles and a huge neck.
Being proportioned gave me my love for working out.
I love the science of bodybuilding. Not the steroids or the meal replacement shakes or the stupid “Go Heavy or Go Home!!!!” motivation, but the principles behind the workouts.
I have tried so many workouts.
I have done the “P90X” stuff, but I did not like it.
I have done machines, but was not a fan of them either.
No, I am a free weight guy. I love free weights.
I love bench pressing, deadlifts and squating.
I do not wear work out gloves. I love to feel the weight in my hands. I love the feeling of pushing and pulling weight.
Squats are my favorite exercise. The beauty of being 420 pounds is you are going to have big legs. I mean, you are carrying that weight all the time anyway.
I do not wear a pad on my back when I squat. I love the feeling of 315 pounds and the courage to push it up.
While some look to Jillian Michaels, I look at Joe Weider. When some look at Tony Horton, I look at Arnold Schwarzenegger.
When I am at the gym, I look at some people who have huge arms but little legs. Or someone who has huge legs and little arms.
Then I look at my short bald self and smile. Being 5 foot 6 finally paid off. I am proportioned.
I am a little beast.
So luckily I have not been caught in a blizzard for some time.
Florida has its privileges.