“Ladies and gentlemen, children of all ages, what you are about to see is amazing……”
I have always considered myself a circus act. At 420 pounds, I felt like a sideshow.
“Come see the amazing 420 pound guy. He can not wipe himself nor can he tie his shoes, but he sure can eat. Do not get to close, you might lose a limb!”
After losing over 200 pounds, I still feel like a circus act.
“Come see the amazing guy who lost over 200 pounds. He only eats fruits and vegetables I think. He works out non-stop and works at this 24/7!”
After 19 months, I have defeated the odds.
Last year I was getting emails about how I would go back to my old habits, how I would stop blogging and I would gain back the weight I lost.
Yet, it has not happened.
Maybe it is my mentality. When people tell me that “You have to have a piece of pizza once in a while” I laugh.
I am a food addict. Always have been, always will be. I changed the way I eat because it was a necessity. Thank god I love it because I do not know what would happen to me if I did not.
Honestly, who goes up to a cocaine addict and tells them “Hey, I know you have not used, but it is Memorial Day weekend, lets get an eight ball.”
Who goes to an alcoholic and says “You should have a cheat day.”
I know my boundaries. I never did before. I thought I was like everyone else.
I could stop at one piece of pie.
I thought I could only have one piece of KFC chicken.
Well, I can’t. The second I think I can, I will fail. I will not fail.
Maybe it is my baby. I look at my baby and I think how wonderful he is. Two years ago, I would never have thought I could have a child. He has the same faces as me and he already has some mannerisms like me. Life is not about me.
It is more than that now.
Maybe it is my wife. She has seen me at my worst and now at my best. Every decision I make has her in my thought process. It never did before although I always loved her.
Addictions bring out the selfish in you.
Maybe it is me and my work ethic. Waking up at 3am to do work around the house so I have a chance to go work out at 5am. Trying to blog even if I am busy. Cooking food for the week. I never was like this before.
Why am I different now?
I have a great story. It is not like many others. Sure, there are better success stories and more heart felt stories, but there is something about mine. It gives people hope. There is a chance.
All we want in life is a chance.
I hated sending my story to Weight Watchers, Prevention, Oprah and the Today Show. When I sent my story in, I felt like a bratty four year old girl spinning around saying “Look mommy, I am a ballerina!!!”
Whoever I sent my story to was like the parent saying in a very appeasing voice “That’s nice dear!”
The truth is it is important for me to get my story out there. So I am going to keep on sending my story out. Every time I do, I am going to post it on my blog as well.
My blog is going to get better and I am still going to try to help people that need help.
So I am a circus act. But hey, there is only one thing you can do when you are on a pedestal in front of a couple hundred people…