So today, I was off from work. So that meant I finally got do do a few chores around the house.
I hate the term chores. I feel like after I do my chores, I will get my allowance. Actually Rebecca, where is my ten bucks?
Anyway, one of my “chores” was to take all of my old clothes and donate them to charity.
I started to go through, and I did not realize how many clothes I had that were too big now.
I have donated before, but I still had a lot of big clothes.
Well, big for me now.
2x, 3x, 52 waist pants, etc……
I came across a 4XL shirt that I tried on. I could have put 3 of me in that shirt.
I also put on a pair of 56 pants, and was able to fit in one pant leg!
When I looked at my 4XL shirt and 56 size pants, I realized something:
Those were to small for me at one time in my life!
At 420 pounds, I wore a 5XL shirt and size 60 pants.
In a way, I was angry with myself. In fact, I have been angry for over a year! I might be angry for a very long time!
How could I have done this to myself! how could I have done this to my family!
Why didn’t I realize when the size 56 pants, which were so big on me now, did not fit before I would eat better. Why did I still live the way I did.
I couldn’t believe that I used to pay cash for fast food so my wife would not find out
I couldn’t believe I was too heavy to adopt a baby
I couldn’t believe I could not wear a seat belt
I couldn’t believe that there was only one store I could shop at for clothes, and I was close to the last size they had in the store.
I couldn’t believe I used to eat four pounds of Chinese food for breakfast
I couldn’t believe that I could eat two large pizzas from Pizza Hut and still be hungry
I couldn’t believe I couldn’t go to the bathroom properly
I couldn’t believe I would only sleep for an hour a night because I was afraid I would die
I couldn’t believe I could not go on an airplane
I couldn’t believe that after seeing my wife cry over my health, I still refused to take my heart and cholesterol medication
I couldn’t believe I could not get a stress test on my heart because of my health
I couldn’t believe that my heart rate was 230/200 one time at the doctor’s office, and the doctor was shocked I was alive
I couldn’t believe the numbness in my arms
I couldn’t believe the heartache I put so many people through
I couldn’t believe how selfish I was
Worst off, I couldn’t believe it took me so long to change!
People ask me how do I stay so strong now. How is it that I have not slipped up, you know, eaten a piece of cake or a slice of pizza.
People tell me I will fail. The odds are against me. Once a over eater, always a over eater.
Here is why I will not fail. I am tired of being selfish. I am tired of only caring about myself!
I owe it to my wife who has been there for me for eight years
I owe it to my family who has been there for me, through the good and bad
I owe it to my baby who needs to see what a good father I can be
That is why I do what I do. That is why I write with passion. That is why I have no advertisements on here, and I respond to emails so quickly, and I think about posts for hours.
Because every time I get a bad comment, and I think about it, someone will send me a comment like this one today,when I talked about being in the gym:
I was confused! I was also embarrassed to ask anyone!
Thanks for this post. I have never stepped so much as a toenail into a gym: I feel intimidated.
There’s hope for me yet 🙂
It is time for me to succeed, and to pay it forward!